Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
