Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
