If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
