Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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