you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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