I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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