She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
