I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
