You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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