Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
