i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
