we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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