You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
