remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
