If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
