Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
