Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
