Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
