they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
