hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
