I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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