I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
