I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
