Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
