My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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