just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
