he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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