She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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