Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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