I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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