If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
