11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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