i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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