AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
