Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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