at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
tell me about the fingering
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