Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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