so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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