I've blown a few things in my day
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
