either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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