this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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