soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
