he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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