I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
