i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
