on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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