Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
