have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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