you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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