I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
