the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
