I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
