Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
