Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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