i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's great music for shaving your balls
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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