He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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