Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
