haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
