i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
