if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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