the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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