Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
