i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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