Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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