she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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