Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
