after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
