I wanna bring you to show and tell
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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