I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
