I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
