You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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