We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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