Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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