he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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